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Showing posts with label english. Show all posts
Showing posts with label english. Show all posts

Translating legal documents in Israel? Here's what you need to know

Sometimes, people wonder what I do for a living here in Israel.

Even more weirdly, sometimes they don't. I guess they assume I make a living blogging or writing children's books. But no, or at least, not yet. Which may be why you don't hear from me here so often!

A lot of what I do these days is translation. (You can find out more on my site: IsraelTranslation.com)
I translate a whole bunch of stuff: kids' books, academic documents, and these days, a whole lot of CVs. Oh, and from Hebrew to English only.

Many people assume I translate both ways, which baffles me. I'm great at writing in English (in my humble opinion), but I can't imagine my writing in Hebrew ever progressing beyond the most basic level.

Sometimes people ask if I provide "legal translation," not meaning legal documents (which I don't do; you need a specialist in the legal system for that), but legally certified translations that you can use for purposes like immigration or other legal-related things.

The short answer is that what they want is probably a NOTARIZED translation, and I can't do that because I'm not a notary. And because in Israel notaries must be lawyers, it will probably cost a whole lot more for translation even if you do find a notary to do it. Fortunately, there is another way.

Weird, wacky, wonderful (Hebrew) words: I'm already (כְּבָר) lying to you...

Running out to the car to get something?  Just popping out to the makolet?
Just let folks know you'll be right back... like by saying you'll be right back.
Right?

Wrong.
Not in Hebrew.  In Hebrew, you don't say, "I'll be right back."

(Okay, you can, before everybody rushes in to correct me -- there IS an expression, אני תכף חוזר / ani techef chozer / "I will immediately return," or תכף אשוב / techef ashuv / which literally means this very thing. But I would argue that few people use these expressions in real life, just write them on signs in shop windows.)

Instead, usually, you say, אני כבר חוזר / ani kvar chozeir / "I'm already on my way back."
Even while you're turning around and walking the other way.

This expression has been tickling my

You speak Hebrew: now what? Top 5 tips to keep on learning!

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Full disclosure: my kids laugh if I say the words “I’m bilingual” out loud.  And with good reason.

I’ll be the first to admit that Hebrew is not, and never will be, my first or best language.  I probably won’t ever be as good as they are (even if my vocabulary is technically better than theirs, in terms of sheer number of roots and words I know).

It’s true that I have an accent, and that’s never going away.  I can’t help feeling insulted when people hearing my accent, though they’re trying to be helpful, switch into their terrible English.  What, my terrible Hebrew isn’t good enough for you?

It’s true that I will probably never be comfortable with a fast blast of Hebrew shouted at me over the phone or from across the room.  Stand in front of me, let me see your lips move, let me see your body language.

But still.

What has most made me realize I actually have become bilingual is that

Weird, wacky, wonderful (Hebrew) words: Time (זְמַן) after Time (פַּעַם) and more…

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I figured it was time for a new post!  I know, I haven't posted anything in so long, and now this is like 3 in a 2-week period.  Blogging is like that sometimes.

And speaking of TIME... this post is all about time.  Specifically, the words we use to talk about it in Hebrew.

We use words for time a lot, which makes them extremely useful.
We say things to each other like:

  • "What time is the party?"
  • "How much time do you have?"
  • "How many times have you eaten blue cheese?"
  • "I sometimes think I'll try it someday."

In English, all four of those are the same word: time.
Not so in Hebrew.

  • What time is the party? / be’eyzo sha’ah hamesiba / באיזו שעה המסיבה
  • How much time do you have? / kama zman yesh lach / כמה זמן יש לך
  • How many times have you eaten blue cheese? / kama pe’amim achalt gevina kechula / כמה פעמים אכלת גבינה כחולה
  • I sometimes think I’ll try it someday. / leefameem ani choshevet she-anaseh yom echad / לפעמים אני חושבת שאנסה יום אחד

What are the time words I’ve used here?

  • Sha’ah / שעה – usually, hour
  • Pa’am / פעם – usually, time as in “how many times” (think of it as “occurrence”)
  • Zman / זמן – usually, time as in the abstract noun, like “we don’t have much time.”

For the fourth sentence, with sometimes, you're going to need a

Weird, wacky, wonderful (Hebrew) words: אֶפְשָׁר / Possible (efshar)

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You've been reading these posts for a while.  How about I reward you with a gift?

It's a single word that works as a magic key, opening doors here like no other word can do -- including "please" (בבקשה), which really doesn't go a long way at all in Israel.

Actually, I’ve come to believe that saying please is actually a cue for whoever is supposed to be helping you--in restaurants, government offices, or wherever--to ignore you for a certain period of time.  Like counting to 10 when you're angry.  At least, they kind of stare at me cluelessly when I do it.  I’m not kidding.  It will only slow you down here.  Try it!

So what's the word?
Well, it's a little word that makes everything POSSIBLE...

Because it means "possible"!
And the word is... אפשר / efshar.

(And okay, since I’m not the grammar maven that you might be—technically it means something a lot more like “possibly,” but for the rest of this post, you and I are going to agree to overlook  grammar and technicalities almost entirely… if you want a more linguistically inclined site, check out Balashon – currently on hiatus but nonetheless packed with great info!  Also a terrific pun: balash means detective, lashon means language.)

Now, in English, the word “possible” isn’t used nearly as often in Hebrew. Here, you can use this little word instead of “please” in a huge variety of situations.

For example, in a restaurant:

  • Efshar ketchup? / Literally, “possibly ketchup?” but it means

Weird, wacky, wonderful (Hebrew) words: לְהִתגַעגֵעַ / To Miss

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When you move to Israel, there’s inevitably going to be stuff you miss: people, places, things. So it’s important to be able to talk about missing stuff in Hebrew. On the oral part of the ulpan exam, that was one of the things they asked us about: how we’re getting used to life in Israel.

In English, we talk about missing stuff all the time. When I say “missing,” I mean the feeling of longing when you’re not around.

What do we mean when we talk about MISSING?

We do have other types of “miss” in English, more than one, in fact, like...

  • Missing a train, which is לְפַסְפֵּס / le’faspeis in Hebrew, lo aleinu (we should never know such sorrow).
  • Or missing out, לְהַחמִיץ / le’hachmitz, as in the FOMO (fear of missing out) when all your family back in Toronto is going to see The Book of Mormon while I’m stuck here in Israel going to see some two-bit circus (you may recognize the root of this word from the word chametz at the seder... it also means when something ferments, or goes sour, meaning you’ve missed the best-before date).
  • Or missing the mark, לְהַחטִיא / le’hachtiy, as in a blog post which promises to talk about one thing and then goes on and on about all kinds of irrelevant homonyms.
  • There’s even the kind of missing where you’re just about to make challah late, late, late on a Thursday night and discover that you’re missing flour – לַחסוֹר / la’chsor, meaning “to lack.” (You can also use it as in: חסר לי הקמח / chaser li hakemach / “I’m missing the flour”.) This is the kind of missing that is sometimes translated as “want,” as in, “for want of a point, this blog post was lost.”

Ahem.

But none of those is what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about missing your mother, your sisters, your son in Toronto—they don’t call, they don’t write (except when they do, but I’m practicing to be a bubby someday), and some weeks we are reduced to merely clicking Like on each others’ things to remember that we are all out in the world somewhere.

In English, the word “to miss” is nicely transitive, meaning you can’t just miss, in the same way you can’t say, “I love” or “I admire.” You have to miss something; you miss somebody.

Hebrew has that word too, fortunately. Unfortunately, it’s a silly word. A word you might not be able to say without giggling, and which in fact sounds a heck of a lot LIKE giggling when you say it. Here it is: לְהִתגַעגֵעַ / le’hitgageya.

(What? I put it in the headline so the surprise was ruined? Drat, drat, drat... my

Unseens: How NOT TO learn English in Israel

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If you're a native English speaker, you've probably never heard of unseens.  I sure hadn't.  But if you are coming here with school-aged kids, you’d better find out quickly, because sooner or later, you’re going to have unseens in your life, too.

The first year I was volunteering to teach English in our local public library, my first kid sat across from me and said we needed to practice unseens.

Now, at this point, I barely understood Hebrew, so I had absolutely no idea what word he was saying.

"What?" I asked.
"Ansinz."  Like it was obvious.
"What?" Me again, in full idiot mode with this fifteen-year-old boy.
"Ensigns."  Now that sounded like an English word... but nothing at all that I could connect with learning the language.

I seem to recall that he had a book with him and at some point, he decided it was easier just to SHOW me what he meant by pulling out the book.

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(See?  Unseens! What’s so hard to understand about that???)

Thus, I was introduced to the word of unseens, otherwise known as, "the way most Israelis learn English."
Otherwise known as, "the reason most Israelis don't speak or understand English."

It's true: I believe that unseens MAY be the single biggest obstacle between Israeli schoolchildren, who generally spend ten years learning English, and the mastery of the English language.  The only reason I say MAY is because the biggest might be English teachers who are afraid to speak English because they don’t know it well enough.

I mention this here – I actually wasn’t sure which blog to post this to because my other blog, Adventures in Mamaland has far more education-related posts – because a lot of English speaking olim wonder how it is that kids here spend ten years ostensibly learning English, and in many parts of the country, STILL come away knowing virtually nothing and unable to carry on even a basic conversation in English.

The Israeli Ministry of Education has recently called for something like 6,000 new English teachers.  Some friends of mine, native English speakers, are actually doing a free upgrading program this year that lets olim turn almost any Bachelor’s degree into a teaching certificate.  The Ministry is emphasizing fluency in spoken English as a goal for grads, which is fantastic.

In the meantime, what they have is unseens.

So what are unseens?

In the early grades, kids learn English the way

Should you hang with other English speakers? Yes, and here’s why.

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Having spent two evenings last week socializing exclusively with English speakers, I’m feeling guilty.  And lazy.

Why?  Well, Thursday night was my monthly English speakers meeting of children’s-book writers and illustrators (SCBWI*), and Friday was our community’s English Speakers Oneg Shabbat. 

At the book meeting, I mentioned the oneg, and one of the Israelis there asked, “Why only English speakers?” 

So then I felt ashamed.  And lazy, like I wasn’t making an effort.  And I almost felt racist (linguist?) for eliminating Hebrew speakers from my social circle so deliberately.  Why move to Israel and then spend so much time hanging out in English??? 

I didn’t even mention that we’re going to the annual Nefesh b’Nefesh Go North English-speaking Shabbaton next week.  Even more English !  Are we just obstinately refusing to integrate into Israeli society?

On the way home from my SCBWI meeting, and for the 2 days since, I’ve put more thought into it.  Because this is something all olim will have to balance in their lives somehow: how much time will you spend “out and about” mingling with the natives and how much time will you spend all huddled and insular with your Anglo “peeps”?

I’ve concluded that it’s not just about laziness.  Though your mileage may vary, here are 5 really good reasons from my own life that I deliberately spend time hanging out with English speakers…

1.  Israelis are busy

Israelis have lives here that are busy and well-established.  Sort of the way we did back in North America.  Many Israelis are too busy to stop and realize that we are here and we need a little extra TLC. 

5 ways Facebook will save your sanity during the aliyah process

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If you're not using Facebook, I don't blame you.  I know a lot of people who have quit using it in the last couple of years - with great reason.

But I believe that Facebook, for all its evils, is a Very Good Thing to have in your life while you're making aliyah.

What are the evils?  Maybe you know about them already.

Facebook offers a weird combination of intimacy and distance.  I read a quote recently:  "I hate learning about major life events buried in a timeline between photos of fresh pedicures and pictures of lunch. When someone close to me has a baby or goes through emergency surgery, or suffers a loss, they deserve more than a Like."  (It's from the otherwise-blah memoir I Regret Nothing, by Jen Lancaster.)

Sound familiar?

The bad side of Facebook is that it gives you just enough superficial glimpses of a person's life to make you believe you know them... but not enough actual interaction to actually understand what they're all about.

"Facebook friend," you probably realize now, is something far, far less than a real friend.  It could even be shorthand for “someone I don’t know at all.”  So why keep it around at all?  Good question.

Weird, wacky, wonderful (Hebrew) words: כַּדּוּר / Ball

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There are many Hebrew words for which there’s no tidy English translation. 

Like what?  How about lehitlabet/ הִתְלַבֵּט, which means “to be conflicted about something” or have doubts, be uncertain, or be in the middle of pondering something.  The word just doesn’t exist in English.

But sometimes, it happens the other way around as well…

Like the word kadur / כַּדּוּר, which technically means “ball.”  Simple, right?

Except that the concept of “ball” in Hebrew extends far beyond where its boundaries are found in English.

How to fix your internet problems in Israel (sort of).

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The Internet here has a way of stopping shortly after midnight. It should be a lesson of some kind, something like, "it's just too late to be sitting on the computer." That’s what happened last night, as if on cue. It’s only happened a few times, but it’s always at or around 12:17.

Any sensible person might think, “time for bed!” But with my drive to fix things, I usually take it as my cue to put in a call to Bezeq, our internet company.

Maybe you think that makes a little sense? 

Ha.  What you don’t know is that in our nearly year and a half of being their clients, Bezeq has literally NEVER solved a problem for us over the phone.

But they are usually unfailingly polite and speak passable English. It's almost a pleasure to call. So I do.

Last night when I called, just after midnight, the system politely informed me that there was a longer than usual wait time and that my place in line was... 31.

Some places you call, they play radio music for you. Not Bezeq.

The mighty “drowning in English books” book sale – buy these books for ₪10 each!

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Most of our reading is in ebook form these days, but on Shabbos, we still have to have REAL books to read.  Somehow, over the last 18 months or so, this has added up to a LOT of books. 

IMG_00005842I’m asking ₪10 per book, but if you want more than one, feel free to make an offer.  ANY offer, seriously.

This is a whole hodge-podge, not just Jewish books.  I hope you’ll find something you’re looking for on the list.

Within Israel, I will send you the book(s) of your choice PLUS the cost of mailing (I have a scale here; email me and I’ll weigh the ones you want and calculate postage).

Local meetup is 5nis in the Haifa/Krayot region, at central meeting spots including the Kiryon and Lev Hamifratz.  (If you can get to Kiryat Yam/Kiryat Shmuel, I’ll hand you your books for free.)

Here’s the entire list, sorted by title.  All titles are paperback unless otherwise noted.  Most are in good used condition.  If you see a book here and it’s not crossed out, it’s still available.  Feel free to ask about any individual book.

Weird Wild Whimsical (Hebrew) Words: Sneef / סְנִיף

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What’s the strangest word in the Hebrew language?  I’m totally open to your vote(leave it in the Comments!), but to my North American ears, it’s got to be the word “sneef.”

It means “branch,” as in a branch of a store, of the post office, or of anything else that has different locations. 

You can go to the sneef ha-doar, your local post office branch, a sneef of one of the many active youth movements like Bnei Akiva, or a sneef of your favourite (kosher) McDonald’s.  (Their website will even help you locate a kosher sneef.)

To Israelis, it makes perfect sense.  But to me, it sounds like something Dr. Seuss made up.  Or maybe that’s Sneetches?

Apparently, the word has an illustrious history, and actually comes from the gemara (Talmud). 

In the description of the shulchan,

Coming true

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Quick, fill in the blanks!

A bird ___.

A ____ surfs.

The travellers ___.

We eat ____.

The players play the ____.

In English, nouns and verbs have their own separate lives.  Sometimes they intersect (“a surfer surfs” “a traveller travels” “the players play” “a guard guards”), and sometimes, they don’t (“a bird flies” “we eat food” “the players play the game”).

In Hebrew, the two are closer together and far more flexible than in English.   Where in English, they’re always conjugated slightly differently, in Hebrew, nouns and verbs are often completely interchangeable.  For example:

  • השומר שומר / hashomer shomer = the guard guards
  • הגולש גולש על הגולש / hagolesh golesh al ha golesh = the surfer surfs (on the surfboard)
  • הנוסעים נוסעים / hanosim nosim = the travellers travel
  • הוא אוכל אוכל / hoo o-CHEL O-chel (same spelling, slightly different emphasis) = he eats food
  • המשחקים משחקים במשחקים / hamesachakim mesachakim ba-mischakim (same spelling, slightly different pronunciation) = the players play the games

But today I realized there’s one example where English is more flexible.  There is no verb in Hebrew (that I know of, which isn’t saying much!) for “to rain.”

Kill or be killed… ?

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Nope, nothing to do with the “matzav” (current situation).

Sorry if you clicked through because of that.

Nope, if you know anything about me, it’s that spelling and grammar mistakes on Israeli signs amuse me to no end. 

Two things about this sign intrigued me. 

(Three if you count our biggest question – what the $#!% is the name of the street we were standing on, with the missing street sign?!?  To this day, we still don’t know.)

Following this post the day before went to Tzfat about the mystery of English place names in Israel, I was reminded by about a million highway signs that the main spelling of the city’s name, in English, is actually Zefat.

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Beyond the weird spelling, on the sign up on top, there’s also a subtle grammatical mistake that makes, in this case, all the difference in the world.

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This street is named in memory of the 12 22 children of Tzfat (thanks to a reader for pointing out my mistake with the numerology), it says in Hebrew, who were killed in the 1974 massacre in Maalot

But that’s not exactly what it says in English; there, the passive voice has been mangled to an extreme, turning the 12 victims into murderers.

Given the tragedy behind the story, perhaps it’s disrespectful to find fault with something as nitpicky as a translation.  And yet… and yet.  How else are you going to get your nation’s story across, if not with language?  It’s not like there are no English speakers in Tzfat who they could have asked for the proper translation.

I guess my serious point is that if your lousy translations make the history of a place seem clownish or insignificant, there’s a big chunk of visitors who aren’t going to appreciate the important stuff.

By “big chunk,” I mean me.  And others like me.  There must be others like me… right?

Put up your hand:  are you a spelling-and-grammar stickler, too?

The mystery of English place names in Israel - SOLVED.

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Tomorrow, we’re going to visit our friends who live in… Tzfat?  Tsfat?  Maybe its ultra-weird English name, Safed? 

No problem, though, we’ll just catch a bus from where we live in Kiryat… no, make that, Qiryat… hmm, or Qeeriyat… Shemuel.  Shmuel?

Argh.

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English place names here can make you crazy.

If you’re lucky, the English version bears some resemblance to the actual place name, ie what the people who live there call it.  Sometimes, it doesn’t.  

A minor example:  Haifa.  Before I lived here, I had no idea, really, if it was a “H” or a “Ch” at the front.  Is it “Hi” as in, “Hi, howya doin’?”  Or “Chhhhhai” as in “Le’chhhhhayim!”  (turns out it’s a Ch)

Some places are impossible to guess.  For various historical linguistic reasons, even one of the most currently newsworthy areas, the Gaza Strip (let’s think of it as part of Israel for a moment) is actually called Aza in Hebrew. 

Blame it on the Crusaders

But the city spelled “Acre”?  Let’s pronounce it Akko.  I think that one is the Crusaders’ fault.

Safed?  Hmm… better pronounce that one Tzefat.  If you’re Ashkenazi and not going anywhere other than shuls and graves of holy people, you may be able to get away with calling it Tzefas, but don’t try it in the rest of the country.

Some of this is the fault of Christianity, which has popularized these ridiculous names.  It’s hard to unlearn 2000 years worth of Bible study.  Here are some of the good place names Christians have ruined permanently.

Joppa?  Say it Yaffo

Tiberias?  Teveria.

One of my favourites, for the way it fails to trip of the tongue, is the now no-longer-a-town, Capernaum… or, in Hebrew, kfar Nachum.

Halfway through her school year, our older daughter started referring to the city where she lived, most pretentiously, as Jer-oo-zalem.  Another Crusader / Christian legacy, I’m sure.  The rest of us stuck with Yerushalayim.

Sometimes, Israelis are so confident in the rightness of their pronunciation that they act like they don’t care a bit how it’s written in English.  After all, it’s right there in Hebrew character, and Hebrew (unlike English) is a totally phonetic language. 

So who needs English?

English speakers, that’s who.

Somebody has already (in Hebrew) beaten me to the punch with this article (here’s the Google English version) to complain about street signs here in the Krayot, with a pretty funny collection of signs spotted in Kiryat Bialik, considered one of the “nicer” Krayot… but not, I guess, in terms of its English literacy.

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Yes, they have spelled the name of one of the world’s best-known Israeli military leaders and statesmen “Mina Aham Begin.” 

Remember, these signs were all collected from the SAME very small city.  Somebody in City Hall could probably just keep a list of all the street names and consult it when they need to order a new sign.

The secret – revealed!

But they probably do more like what they were doing in the passport office where we happened to be waiting for another reason a few weeks ago. 

Here is the secret of English place names in Israel and how they come to be so very, very wonky.

When the clerk had to transcribe a person’s name into English for his passport, she called out to the office in general, “How do you spell ‘Danny’ in English?” 

When one of her clerk friends started guessing (wrong; she left off the extra “n”) I called out the answer from where I was sitting in the waiting area.

The guy was doing about thirty passports, I think, for every living member of his family, and eventually – literally after 40 minutes - we left in disgust.  But not before helping out with the spelling of 5 names in English that would have been transcribed disastrously wrong had we not been sitting right there at the time.

THAT, my friends, is how street signs are made in Israel. 

I have solved the mystery, and here is how it happens:  the clerks call out to their friends, “How do you spell ‘Menachem’ in English?” … and whoever answers first calls it.

More signs of madness

One that really drove me crazy when I saw it in person was a street in the Old Port of Jaffa (Yaffo?) named after famous French guy Louis Pasteur. 

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(“How do you spell PASTER?” the clerk called to her friend.)

(I took this picture myself while my sister was begging me to come see the sites; I knew it would come in handy someday!)

It’s not like this is hard.  He himself personally wrote his name every day in English (well, French) characters.  So on the sign, you spell it… like he spelled it.  Apparently, that type of standardization and reliance on others goes against the Israeli spirit.

One of the wonkiest signs I turned up is nearby in Haifa, though I haven’t seen it in person:  Captain Steve Street / Rechov Keptin Steve.

You can see the main illuminated sign above, but what I love is that sometimes in and around Israel, we’ve seen these smaller signs that don’t light up but do tell you a little bit about the person for whom they’re named.  Usually they’re a general or politician, but occasionally, you come across something interesting.  Perhaps someday soon I’ll go there in person to figure out what this sign is telling me.

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In the meantime, I have the Internet, which tells me – in this article from December, 1966, that he was a Spanish captain who brought “illegal immigrants” during the British mandate (those are the article’s quotes quotes, not mine; to me, they were actually illegal at the time; it was just a bad law):

The street… was named “Captain Steve Gate” for Captain Esteban Hernandorene, who was known to the “illegal immigration workers” as “Steve.” Born in Spain in 1905, he died in Haifa last year after serving the Zim lines where his son is now an officer.

Attending the ceremony were Jewish seamen, veterans of the second wave of prestate immigrants, naval officers and Catholic clergymen. The latter took part because Captain Hernandorene had been a Catholic. Poet Nathan Alterman said of the Spanish hero that “we shall yet read songs and poems of this fleet small and grey, and of you, too, Captain.”

Now there’s a story (to read more, here’s Captain Steve’s story in his own words).  I guess there is one, behind every one of those wonky street signs and place names.

Want to know something else weird?  Did you catch the name of that poet?

Here’s where I got off the bus this morning to walk in to work.

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Natan Alterman Street.

Until I sat down to write this, I had no idea who he was either.

Not only is there a story behind every place name… but it seems they’re all connected in this tiny, besieged land of ours.  Pray for the peace (piece?  peece?) of Jerusalem and the country that surrounds her.

To the stories, to the connections, to the wonky street signs… to life.

Tzivia / צִיבְיָה


Are you listening? I’m speaking to you…

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Or am I?  In Hebrew, sometimes not so much.

Here’s an ad I spotted on the train this morning showing a smartphone with headphones trailing out:  “I’ll talk to you when I get home.  Meanwhile,  I’ll listen to music with headphones.”  The ad is part of a campaign aimed at getting Israelis on trains to be more polite:  not squish together on the platforms, let people out of the train before attempting to get on, not putting feet on seats, not shouting into cell phones the whole way home.

(Is it working?  Can it work?  I have my doubts.)

But anyway… that’s what the ad says.  Except for this:  remember what I told you back in October, all about Hebrew prepositions (of course you do)?  It doesn’t really say “listen to music.”  It says “hear music.”  No preposition whatsoever. 

This is one of those freak situations where in English you need a preposition and in Hebrew you don’t.

But the verb is different, too.  In English, you listen to music.  In Hebrew, you hear it.

This isn’t a trivial switch because of its centrality in Jewish life and prayer.  Many people would consider our most important tefillah (prayer) to be the… (you guessed it!) Shema.  And I have seen more than a few “progressive” translations that transpose its initial phrase into English as “Listen, O Israel.”

Because listening means paying attention; hearing is more passive.  Hearing means music is coming in whether you care or not.

And who’d want that when they’re praying? 

Surely, in a perfect world, it ought to be “listen, O Israel” instead – who wouldn’t care deeply about such an urgent call to prayer?  Indeed, words with the same “קָשַׁב” root appear throughout the siddur (if I recall correctly, they’re mostly asking Hashem to listen and pay attention to us, rather than the other way around).

But if you think that’s something (and it is, really), it’s nothing compared to “saying” (לוֹמַר)vs “telling” (לְהַגִיד), a distinction even Google Translate isn’t really able to make, since it suggests both as suitable translations for say and tell.

This is one that drives me crazy when people do it in English.  My students this year never could get it right:  “last week, you say me” being an all-too-common example (this is actually three different mistakes, at least).

But I must admit – my Hebrew probably sounds just as bad, judging from the number of times people gently try to steer me in the right direction. 

But here I am, bumbling along through Israel once again, telling bus drivers to “say” me when it’s my stop.

Warts and all (figurative warts only, lest you get the wrong idea about me), I’m an olah and my Hebrew may still be lousy but diving back in like this, reading signs, asking questions, ordering dinner (in Hebrew, off the English menu) reminds me of what a vast journey this really is, and how far I’ve come so far. 

And then I relax, lie back, and allow myself to sink ever deeper in the chaotic flow of this crazy holy modern language I love so much.



Telling the boys from the girls… and other delights of learning Hebrew.

boygirl

Know what I haven’t seen a lot of here? Posts, books, anything, really, talking about the tremendously tough transition from a lazy-tongue language like English to a precisely-gendered language like Hebrew.

Am I the only one having problems?

Teaching English in Israel (even in the amateurish, bad way that I do it!) has sensitized me to many nuances of this language, and the differences and difficulties both ways.

Like gender – a pleasure when I’m teaching English (no problem, just do NOTHING!). And a royal pain to absorb when I’m learning Hebrew.

Separating the boys from the girls

My sister, who’s very familiar with French, another gendered language, was surprised when she was here at how very gender-oriented this language is. In French, there are masculine and feminine, but verbs conjugate the same for both of them.   No such luck in Hebrew.

In Hebrew, nothing is the same if you’re a boy or a girl. All verbs, past, present and future shift when you’re talking about girls or boys.

If you went to Hebrew school, you probably know the rule: the default gender is masculine, always. Feminine verbs are used only if the group you’re talking about is exclusively female. If there’s a male – a single boy in a bunch of seventy girls – you use the masculine form.

In Israel, this takes on a weird physical reality: the ulpan teacher looks around before speaking, unconsciously, I’m sure, to see if the one man remaining in our class has bothered to show up. He hasn’t: she switches to all-feminine without a second thought. If he’s there, all her verbs are masculine.

Imagine living in a country where buses were masculine and trains were feminine, with a totally separate set of verbs for each. Oh, yeah, I don’t have to imagine it: I’m living it every single day. The bus (male) yotzei (leaves), while the train (feminine) yotzeit (leaves). More importantly, the train “titakeiv” (will be late) while the bus “yitakeiv” (will be late). Or – even better – tagia/yagia (will arrive) on time.

(If there’s more than one of each, all is good again – the plurals are the same; they all “yagi’u” (will arrive) on time.)

In the early days of ulpan, the teachers manage to get the message across slowly, going around the classroom, singling out the men to repeat: “ani yoshev” (I’m sitting), ani yoshev, ani yoshev. Then she goes around again for the girls: “ani yoshevet” (I’m sitting), ani yoshevet, ani yoshevet.

Our teacher also used hand puppets: “Zot sara. Sara gara b’kiryat yam.” (This is Sara. Sara lives in Kiryat Yam.) “Ze Dani. Dani gar b’Haifa.” (This is Danny. Danny lives in Haifa.)

(One fun thing about teaching English to kids here: they have no cultural referents for English names. If they read a sentence about “Harold,” they have no idea whether Harold is a boy or girl, and often guess wrong – “This is Harold. She lives in the United States.” I don’t laugh, but I do snicker a bit inwardly.)

Eventually, through clever tricks, the message gets through: boys and girls have different verbs. Each ulpan student hopefully becomes familiar with his or her own gender enough to talk about their own activities without making too many mistakes in this area. And hopefully also comfortable enough with the other one to ask questions and speak semi-intelligently.

But long after ulpan it is still hard… so hard.

I consider myself on the “pretty good” side of switching genders now when I speak, but one of the toughest things remains the supremely basic “to you” – which comes out either as “lecha” and “lach,” depending on if you’re speaking to a boy or a girl. I always have to hesitate and ponder the gender of the person I’m talking to, in a way I know even Hebrew-speaking toddlers don’t have to. To them, it comes intuitively… to me, not so much.

(Israeli adults DO make mistakes or just get lazy with their Hebrew – very often, in fact, and much to my ulpan teacher’s chagrin…)

How do you get to… ?

Still, knowing that the default is masculine can be helpful. For instance, when it comes to “generic” verbs.

What do I mean by generic?

This is something we don’t do so gracefully in English, but I’ve encountered before in French, in the form of the weird neutral “on” form.   “Ici on parle français!” – “here, we/one/everybody/you/they speak(s) French!”

In English, it used to be okay to say: “one always eats lunch at noon.” Nowadays, we don’t speak this way because it sounds like something the queen would say, not an ordinary person.

In modern English, we say things like “we eat lunch at noon,” or “we pay our bills at the post office,” implying that the “we” is part of a generic whole-of-society.

Or you use a generic “you” – “you press the button, like this.” Sometimes, you also refer to “people,” “people love to dance at a wedding.” Finally, there’s the pathetic alternative of using the passive voice: “it’s just not done.” By whom? No clue.

I spent a long time trying to recreate this form somehow in Hebrew. “In Canada, people don’t get married so young?” (“anashim lo…”) “We celebrate Yom HaAtzmaut?” (“anachnu chog’gim…”) “When you travel, it’s important to…” (“k’she ata noseya…”)  “How do you get to Sesame Street?” (“eych ata magia l’Rechov Sumsum?”)

But all these still use the English forms. They’re correct, but to Israelis they sound… weird.  Like a translation by somebody who doesn’t really know the language (hey, that’s me!).

In Hebrew, it’s actually simpler than in English (for a change!).

You accomplish this generic form of speech with the “unspecified” masculine plural. Pretend you’re talking about some mythical “they,” but leave out the actual pronoun, and you’re there. “(They) love (masculine, plural) dancing at a wedding.” “(They) pay bills at the post office.” “(They) use the Internet to find love.” “How do (they) get to Sesame Street?”

Yes, there is a passive voice, and I’m learning that too (“Where is Sesame Street found?”). But it’s far less used than these mythical-male forms, which crop up everywhere.

Yesh!  Another Big Lie of Hebrew school…

Another thing that confused me a LOT at first is the terms “yesh” and “ayn.” I consider these words one of the Big Lies of Hebrew school.

It’s simple, they tell you: “yesh” means “there is,” and “ayn” means there isn’t. “Yesh chatul al ha-gag.” (there’s a cat on the roof) “Ayn kesef ba-bank.” (there’s no money in the bank)

In learning halacha (Jewish law) from books in Hebrew, I encountered another form, slightly more subtle: “Yesh,” meaning “there are those who.” For example, “there are those who end Shabbat after 72 minutes.” (or however-long) It’s optional, or at least, some do it and others don’t.

So it took a while to figure out that that’s not what “yesh” means when you see it on packages here. When it’s on a package, or on a list of rules… it means you MUST.

This confused me because I had already learned the words for “you must” in ulpan. There are even varying degrees of “mustishness”: ani tzarich (I need), ani muchrach (I must), ani chayav (I am obligated) (all male forms, by the way; don’t try saying these if you’re a girl!).

Note to anglos: avoid “muchrach” unless your accent is 100% native. I cannot get out the two guttural R’s with a CH in the middle without sounding like a cat with a hairball, so I stick with the other two.

But back to “yesh.” When it’s on a package, it means you MUST. As in “keep in a cold place.” In English, we drop the pronoun and just refer to nobody in particular keeping the cream in the fridge. Here, it comes out more like “yesh lishmor bimkom kar.” Do, please, O consumer, keep this beverage chilled.

I didn’t know this. Having come from Hebrew school (“there is to keep it in a cold place?”) and from learning halacha, with its optional use of yesh (“some people keep it in a cold place?”), I assumed the latter: keeping the drink cold was something you could do if you felt like it. Or as in, “there are those who sift this flour before using it.” Ah, how lovely for them, I would think.

It wasn’t until the cream went off from being left on the shelf (it was in the same tetra pack that the long-life “standing” milk comes in) that I started to realize that “yesh” wasn’t optional here (though I always sifted the flour; that much I knew before we came!). If the package says “yesh,” you’d better listen, or whatever’s inside won’t be as good when it gets out.

(The opposite is a little clearer - “ayn,” if you think about it, is more obviously an imperative NOT to do something.)

Another use of “yesh” is much more fun. Perhaps because of the sound, it’s been universally adopted here as the equivalent of the English “yessss!” (you say it like “yay-shhhh”, not “yesh” like you’re drunk and slurring the S)

When something works out just right, when life is good, when you win a prize: “yesh!” – sometimes with a fist-pump in the air. Kids use it, but adults do, too. And no wonder: such a clean, simple, gender-free word. Men use it, women use it... and there’s never any need to stress over whether you’re saying it right.

What can I say? Sometimes, despite the difficulties, Hebrew really is easier than English. Yesh!

For English, press 4 – then speak Hebrew.

chashmal Every time you phone a big customer-service oriented company here in Israel, you get a menu that sounds something like this:  “Blah blah blah (in Hebrew), blah achat (1); blah blah blah (in Russian), blah dva (2); blah blah blah (in Arabic), blah blah (3)” and then, finally, in rich, plummy tones, “for English, press 4.”

So I press 4, right?  Because I speak E N G L I S H.  English is an option?  Yes, please!

And then you get some hold music, and maybe some announcements (in Hebrew) about how great their company is (or some such thing; I’m just guessing), and maybe they tell you how long you have to wait and what place you are in line (I like this feature).

And then… miracle of miracles, you are connected to the operator.

At which point they, say “Blah blah blah (in Hebrew), shalom!”  or “blah, blah, blah, blah, la’azor lachem?” (… help you?)

So remember, I pressed 4, for English.  So this is me:  “Medaber Anglit?” (Do you speak English?)

And the response – always, always, always:  “Lo.” (no)

Which is my cue to forge ahead because hey, I just sat waiting on hold.  So I stumble forward in my awkward Hebrew and eventually, either hang up, get hung up on, or (more and more these days) actually accomplish what I set out to accomplish, with Great Difficulty.

Great Difficulty which, I might add, could easily be avoided if they had an actual operator who spoke English, instead of just a guy they paid $20 to record a greeting that makes it sound like somebody there speaks English.

My Great Difficulty apparently matters little to Corporate Israel.

This rigmarole, this little English-speaker tease, has happened no less than THREE TIMES in the last 2 days, with three different, unrelated companies.  Three times, I have reached the goal only to find out that the promised English-speaker doesn’t exist. 

At one point, desperate to get my Internet working (and having already been on the line to both the Internet provider and the “sapak,” an additional company who basically takes your money in return for a password to access your Internet line), I demanded an English speaker. 

He said, “beseder” (okay) and then I heard him shouting across the room to someone else to find out if they spoke enough English to help me out.  He then put me on hold for five minutes, maybe to look for someone else.  Eventually, literally 10 minutes later, the “English speaker” came on the line.  Heavy on the quotation marks, as heavy as his accent.

image The fun part was that while I was waiting, I solved the Internet problem myself and the whole thing was working fine by the time the guy actually tried to introduce himself in English and find out what my problem was.  And then, it was almost harder for me to explain that I’d solved the problem myself in English that he’d understand than it would have been to work through the whole thing in Hebrew in the first place. 

(Why did I wait instead of hanging up?  Still Canadian, I guess.)

Not that my Hebrew is so fancy-wonderful anyway.  Today, one of the companies I called two days ago phoned back, in a weird customer service gesture, to find out if all my needs had been taken care of. 

Ha ha ha – I had ended up picking another company that at least put up with my linguistic idiocy. 

So I decided to actually give them a piece of my mind and explain that I hadn’t chosen them because they hadn’t been helpful.  Thinking fast (conjugating fast in my head!), I said what I hoped was “I found another company because you didn’t help me”… in Hebrew, “מצאתי חברה אחרת בגלל שאתם לא עזבתם אותי”. 

She said oh, okay, thanked me nicely, and wished me a good day.

Those who read Hebrew may have caught my typo (in my head, it was a think-o) already. It was only when I was off the phone that I realized I’d gotten one letter wrong

What I actually said was, “I found another company because you failed to abandon me.” 

The one-letter difference between עזבתם / azavtem, you abandoned, and, עזרתם / azartem, you helped… is, it turns out, the fine line between, “Dear sirs, I am a savvy consumer whose will moves mountains,” and “Dear sirs, kindly disregard every morsel of gibberish exuding from my malfunctioning brain.”

Which is, of course, probably what they were planning to do in the first place.

EDITED TO ADD:  See the comments section – I have been exonerated, slightly, by a very helpful reader.  (The first English word that came to mind was exuded, not exonerated, but luckily, I remembered the right word just in time.  Proof that my English is definitely slipping!)

One thing at a time, please…?

When I’m feeling frazzled, which is all the time at the moment, I tell myself that (during my “normal life”), any one of the things I’m dealing with right now would probably be at least a big part of a very full day.

I’m not asking anyone to feel sorry for me, just suggesting that there’s a lot running through my brain at the moment.

Here’s what’s on my plate today, in no particular order.

  • Details of renting a house (utilities, taxes, making sure the money goes into our account to pay the rent?), plus questions to ask the old tenant (where can we build a sukkah, where’s the miklat?).
  • Forgot to mail a cheque to the lawyer I loved who was so helpful last week when it was a crisis – oops. :-o
  • Switching GZ to a new gan closer to where we’ll be living (we’re happy with Naomi Rivka’s school, so hopefully leaving her there).
  • Ulpan 3 times a week.  Plus, I just found out about another program in Haifa, called This is Not an Ulpan (TINAU) that has once-a-week classes starting soon.
  • Volunteer English tutoring at the library, ongoing, 3 kids/week.
  • Buying appliances for the new apartment.  We need a fridge, stove and washing machine, and somebody sane has suggested we measure the space first before we think about buying.
  • Arranging for delivery of our shipment from Canada.  A shipment that, due to the tiny size of our new apartment, will just about totally fill our new apartment.
  • Arranging for a mover to bring our possessions from the Merkaz Klitah to the new apartment, and possibly to help pick up purchased appliances along the way.
  • Establishing a freelance writing career, keeping up with new clients and assignments and making sure everyone is happy and nothing is forgotten.  Okay, this one is at least a part-time job, on its own.  Today, I have one article to revise, one to write from scratch, and 50-100 blog comments to post.  Not a ton, but nothing I can just sit back and forget, either.
  • Covering the Canadian Prime Minister’s visit next week – arranging security, access, schedule, etc.  Plus booking hotel/hostel if I need to stay over in Yerushalayim or Tel Aviv.  Actually staying in a hotel is fun, but making arrangements is not something I need in this particular week.
  • Maintaining blogs – sometimes goes by the wayside, but I have a new one I’m trying to build up at the moment.
  • Register our family for a “tik” – self-employment tax status from the government
  • Renew our Canadian passports (must go get pictures done on Friday from the one place in Haifa we’re told takes acceptable photos… then figure out how to travel back to the consulate in Tel Aviv and pay for the passports themselves)
  • Applying for whatever extension money we’re able to receive from Misrad HaKlitah (absorption ministry) given that, approaching the 6-month mark), neither of us has what could be considered a job and Ted is still not finished ulpan.
  • Paid online journalism course from a from a Very Reputable School that I paid for with my birthday money from my mother… and now I just need to start the work.  Happily, I have up to a year to do this.
  • Children’s writing course I want to take starting in February.
  • Wanting to visit Canada sometime… this is for the future, but it is always somewhere near the tippy-top of my mind.
  • Did I mention I have to go pick up Naomi Rivka in five minutes???  It’s no wonder little things like feeding my family tend to go by the wayside.

You know, when I googled “full plate,” to get a catchy picture I could include with this post, most of the pictures I found were of full-body suits of armour.  Which is really something I could use – just seal myself up inside a suit of armour until all of this, somehow, has passed.

But no.  Naomi’s finished school, so I’ll strap on my mp3 player and dash over to meet her.  And then come back and start slowly, slowly ticking things off the list, putting out fires, or, to use another metaphor because I know you won’t mind, sowing seeds of which, hopefully, we’ll eventually reap the rewards.

Maybe life will be normal again, someday soon?  Pretty please???

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